April 2024

This summer represents change in my life. It seems as if yearly I go through this giant process that involves some big transition, like relocating or deciding to pursue a masters degree. Last summer I graduated college and had the intention to take a year off, but instead I packed my bags and moved from California to the DC area. Within the next month everything I’ve worked to build on the East Coast I plan to abandon in the hopes that the new opportunities will lead me to live more happily on a day to day basis. I don’t entirely regret my move to DC, I love the city and the opportunities that are available here, but I wouldn’t be completely truthful in saying that I never find myself thinking about how I’ve put myself in a terrible situation.

I moved to DC with no job, no friends and no clue about how hard a transition of this size could be. I wouldn’t say I’m homesick, but I definitely call my friends in tears a bit too often. I miss being able to walk to their apartments to just sit and watch TV, I absolutely hate the hour long commute home every day, and the cost of living is higher than I could have imagined.

This summer though I am finally signing a lease for an apartment in one of my favorite neighborhood in Washington DC, I’m quitting the job that often leaves me feeling frustrated at the end of the day and hopefully starting a new job that will align more with my career goals. I based my playlist on what I would like to hear as I shift from the life I settled for here in DC to the one I’ve worked my butt of for the past year. Moving from a group house in the city outskirts to my very own apartment in the heart of DC plus taking the risk of quitting a job I never loved that much anyways is about to completely change my day to day satisfaction. These are some of the songs I’ll be listening to as I pack up the few belongings I’ve collected and load up the moving truck. Most of them have been out for a while but you know a song is good when you listen to it long past it playing on the radio. I made my best attempt to limit the selection, but I promise each and every one is worth giving a listen to. Hope you find at least one new song to love! I’m actually linking up with a few other girls, so head on over to their blog to see what songs they recommend you add to your summer playlist.

I’d love to hear what your songs of the summer are, so feel free to drop me some suggestions below!

I’ve always been a small girl. Not in the endearing way where I barely meet height requirements or have a petite personality. More in the way where belts are a necessity and my thighs don’t touch. I am, and have as long as I can remember have been, a size zero.

When checking my email this week I received a message from Her Campus advertising their #LovingMe Project, which “celebrates the things we love about ourselves- unrelated to our physical appearance.” It being National Eating Disorders Awareness Week I decided to write about a topic that is never spoken about yet experienced by so many women. So here I am, writing to the masses about why being a size zero doesn’t guarantee happiness.

I’ve never had an eating disorder but I have been accused of having one many times in my life. Either by family, friends or medical professionals, it seems as if my life is a stream of situations where I’ve had to defend my choices to people who don’t know me very well. Being a size zero doesn’t mean you have zero problems, it can at times just mean people have zero interest in your problems.

There are the trivial reasons, the “problems” with being thin that sound so stupid once you see them written down. Issues that should probably be relabeled first world problems. You know, those things we like to complain about that cause us to roll our eyes moments after we say them aloud? Things such as size zero clothing hardly ever making it to the sale rack, stores like TJ Maxx barely stocking anything in our size and the all too common bloat we get from eating nothing more than a handful of chips. When your stomach is naturally flat, any food being in there likes to bloat you up. At least in my case. 

Then there are the actual downfalls to being a size zero, the thoughts and experiences that are silenced because according to others, “I should be grateful.” The root of these issues can begin to grow early, before we even knew how to dress ourselves or attach stigma to different body types.

My childhood was filled with compliments. From my shiny hair to how “tiny” I was, I was always the topic of discussion. As I got older my hair lost its luster and all I had to rely on was the low number on the scale.

When you grow up thin people begin to expect thin from you. Friends and relatives are more likely to comment if they feel your body shape has changed, even though their comments at times are no more than a way for them to make themselves feel better.

Every thin girl will tell you how often people comment on her size. Somewhere along the way it became wrong to make comments about people with extra weight, yet blatant remarks about “how skinny you look” have become normalized. Acceptable. “Compliments.”

There is a difference between complimenting someone on their weight when they are taking steps to try to change it versus making remarks on someone’s body type. Thin girls don’t choose to be thin just like heavy girls don’t choose to be heavy, so why the double standard in the way they are treated?

When did it become okay to openly discuss how thin a girl is but disrespectful to mention a friend has gained weight? The girls who swallow their words and scroll past the “real men don’t like bones” posts are the same girls who stand up for their larger friends. Where is the mutual support?

My senior year I fainted in class, was labeled anorexic and was found a therapist before the school day was over. Nobody bothered to ask my opinion, no one actually observed my eating habits. I wasn’t anorexic in the least. I was a heartbroken seventeen year old, worried about my college applications and stressing over the D I had received on my Calculus exam. Food wasn’t the problem, by that point, lunch was my favorite time of the day!

My entire life I had been silenced by everyone, finding it impossible to speak over everyone’s remarks about my body. In therapy I finally let it all out. My worries about not having a prom date, my grades, my non existent relationship with my sister, and how sick I was about everyone assuming they could diagnose me without even speaking to me. Three sessions later my therapist deemed I didn’t need her help or anyone else’s, wished me good luck on finding a prom date and choosing a university to attend. Only one of those decisions ended up being the right one.

What I learned from being labeled anorexic is how “other” it can make you feel. Even though I was completely healthy, both physically and mentally, the way people treated me completely changed. Principals  pulled me out of class to see how I was “doing”, teachers tiptoed around me and people who once chatted with me would turn silent when I walked into a room. Having an eating disorder or even being accused of having one makes you feel like you are on the outside of everything, because that’s where people place you.

Being a size zero sometimes feels a lot like those weeks in high school where my classmates wouldn’t even bother to whisper the rumors about me. To this day, friends will out of the blue remark on my waist, my thighs or how jealous they are. Yet they don’t take a moment to realize how the words they say affect my perception of myself. If everyone is so jealous of me, I must do everything I can to stay skinny, right?

Size zeroes are silenced, laughed at and ignored when they speak about how their weight negatively affects them. When you have what everyone wants, complaining about it sounds ludicrous. Nobody stops to realize that we didn’t ask for this and we sure as hell didn’t ask for your opinions on the subject, positive or not. Being a size zero doesn’t guarantee happiness. All you are guaranteed are a stream of comments on your body type and a lifetime of pressure to remain how everyone else perceives you. Skinny.

This question has been gnawing at my mind ever since I took a break from blogging this past March. I spent weeks of my life wanting to blog but at the same time not sure if anything I had to say was exactly “relevant.” After blogging for my university’s admissions blog and Her Campus for years, I’ve been trained to only write things that will interest and benefit others in some way, which makes writing hard when I don’t totally know who my audience is anymore.

I’ve finally started blogging again and unfollowed any “big bloggers” that I wasn’t absolutely in love with because I’m human, so I like to compare things like comments, photo quality and stupid things like that that really don’t make a post more interesting at the end of the day. Whenever I think of what a successful blog looks like I picture Helene in Between or Vodka and Soda. Helene manages to write about the most random things with photos that don’t look like they were shot for a magazine, and people still keep coming back!

My ultimate blog crush is Kathy though, I seriously get excited when she leaves a comment on my blog. Like how the hell did she even find tiny me?! I have respect for someone that can write #limpdicksfordayyssss and not only not apologize for cursing on her blog, but have people love her even more for it!

True story, I curse more than the average person. Yet you would never know based on my blog! I don’t know what the hell this blog is even about, but when I started it that was the whole point! I just turned 22, I’m single, trying to figure out grad school, and am the poster child for a confused twenty-something with loans that need to be paid off ASAP. I don’t even know what my life is about right now, so how the hell is my blog supposed to have a focus?! I think I’ve finally remembered what this blog’s purpose was, it was supposed to highlight what being a 20 something feels like nowadays. And the truth is, it’s not exciting adventures and hooking up with hot strangers. I spent today cleaning my room because my mom ordered me to and then watched an uncomfortable amount of YouTube videos.

So if you’re wondering what this blog is about you might as well ask me where I see myself in 10 years, cause you’re gonna get the same answer. I don’t freaking fucking know. I guess that’s the great thing about being a “lifestyle” blogger, you can write about basically anything and no one can say shit because heyyyy I’m a lifestyle blogger and no one really knows what that means anyways. 

For now I’m going to do my best to stop trying to find a niche, because I will never have the patience to be a fashion blogger, I’ve never had an ounce of interest in anything beauty related and DIY blogs are for people that don’t live in tiny apartments. Like honestly, where do they put all that crap once it’s finished?

Senior year of college was a whirlwind of events. Between interning in Washington DC and planning for graduation, the thought of attending more years of school was the furthest thing on my mind. Then it happened suddenly, grad school was all anyone was talking about. Whether it was a genuine interest to advance their education or a desire to avoid the real world, people left and right were filling out graduate school applications and talking about it like it was the only possible option. In a moment of panic I too submitted a few applications, just in case I needed a back up to my plan to take a year off. Two months at home made me realize a year off would feel like an eternity, which is why within a week I accepted an offer at my current university, bought a plane ticket and signed the first lease I could find. Was it a rushed decision? Yes. But without it I wouldn’t be where I am today. With all that said, it’s been a complete rollercoaster, and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t wished I had waited a bit before jumping into more years of school. Below are the five benefits of not entering graduate school immediately after college graduation, as well as my reason for doing it despite the reasons below.

You might also like: The 8 Important Lessons My 2nd Year of Grad School Taught Me

It can be scary to graduate from college and begin to job hunt, especially when you have minimal work experience and no real clue of where to begin. As someone who had to get a job immediately after graduation I can completely relate, and trust me when I tell you that it’s not impossible. Don’t be afraid to take a job you feel your overqualified for, because some experience is better than nothing. Spending time in the workforce will give you skills you can’t get in any graduate program, so don’t minimize the benefits of skipping school and going straight to work.

You might also like: How I Got a Job Right After College Without a 4.0

If you’re in any way unsure of what to earn a masters in, it’s better to take time to be sure instead of spending money on the wrong program. Graduate school is substantially more expensive than undergrad, so you want to make sure it’s the right degree you’re working towards. Spend some time researching various types of masters and the possible career paths each can lead to. Once you know what you want to study, make sure the school meets your qualifications. As much as I enjoy my program, I do have serious issues with my actual campus. Had I know then what I know now, I would have definitely picked a different university. Talk to current students, look up opinions of the program online, and don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions to admissions counselors. Did I mention graduate school can be expensive? Cause I think it’s worth mentioning again. If your plan is to go right after college, chances are you’ll need a loan to cover the costs, even if you work while in school. Compare the costs of different programs, as well as the cost of living in the city the campus is located. Taking time off not only gives you the opportunity to your research, but save money and apply for scholarships.

You might also like: All the Important Lessons My First Year of Grad School Taught Me

If your program of choice is competitive, it may be of benefit to spend that year off gaining work and volunteer experience. Most college graduates have similar resumes, but a year is all it takes to gain life experience that can set you apart from the crowd. Talk to people who have already been admitted about what they did before attending the school for ideas on how to boost your chances of being accepted. Often I say I started a graduate school immediately after college because I was bored at home and my mom was pressuring me to figure my life out. While that is true, the other side is that I’ve known for a long time exactly what I want to do with my life. If you’re like me and have no hesitancy about your career path, go for it! My only advice is that you not sell yourself short. Don’t attend a school just because it’s the only one that let you in or that you can afford. Do your research, reach out to others and make sure to set yourself up to enjoy the process of earning your masters.

Are you considering grad school? Leave any questions or advice you have in the comments below!

Three days. For three days I sat in front of my Macbook and relived the episodes that helped me navigate my early teens. Pop cultural references that suddenly made sense to me and judgments about characters that I had never made before. The Gilmore Girls Revival was set to be released Friday after Thanksgiving, and like a fool I had underestimated just how much I had to catch up on. Near the end I started fast forwarding over scenes I remembered well enough, wanting to only relive the important stuff like graduations and breakups. Even though my love for the small town characters runs deep, it was only Lorelai’s plot I found myself caring about by season 7. As for Rory, I had begun to dislike her the moment she started dating Dean again. Who knew her habit of being the other woman would stick with her into middle adulthood. I watched the four new episodes in one sitting, waiting for the moment where I would spit out my popcorn or tear up like everyone else claimed to, but it never happened. Jokes sounded forced, or worse, offensive. Lorelai was still an overgrown teenage girl and Rory had grown up to be the privileged woman her mother fought so hard for her not to be. Plot lines of men being disrespected, from the forgettable Paul to our favorite diner owner being left in the dust yet again. The entire thing seemed…staged. And not in a we haven’t done this in a long time so let us get our groove back kind of way. More of a, this show should have been left in the past, where fans could imagine better lives for the characters who unfortunately came back to life to do all the things we never imagined they would go along with. But instead of focusing on all the bad, which there was a lot of, I thought I’d highlight three good, and three not so great moments. I mean, it did take me a full three days to catch up on a show I used to love. Now, I’m not so sure either women are the best role models for young (and old) women today. It wasn’t until I began rewatching the seasons that I realized that Rory is nothing special, and I know that sounds harsh, but she just isn’t. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t raised being told I could be anything I wanted to be, or that a call would be made if it turned out I couldn’t. The revival episodes just demonstrated her biggest faults, including her issues with men as well as her belief that she should be offered any position she applies for. And don’t get me started on her mocking the thirty something group, at least they would be appreciative of a woman taking the time to interview them, whether they wanted the job or not.
Whether it was the reason she wasn’t there or the fact that fans know the real reason why, but not having Sookie around felt like a big piece of the show was missing. Not only were fans deprived of Sookie and Michel banter, but we also had to deal with her being declared Lorelai’s best friend in one scene only to be excluded from the wedding ceremony altogether. I’m sorry, but they could have freaking asked her! Too much Kirk, not near enough Sookie. I think we can all agree Rory grew up to be kind of a bitch in the relationship department. Dating a guy whose name she cant even remember, sleeping with an engaged man, then waking up after a one night stand shocked that it even happened. Let be honest, one night stands are more respectable than sleeping with another woman’s fiancee.

As for Lorelai, I always knew she had man troubles, but I guess we all assumed once it happened with Luke things would snap into place. We thought wrong. How do ten years go by and no one mentions kids? Only to be swept under the rug because the both of you cant be bothered to talk things over like adults. Oh, and the whole running away to do Wild? Ridiculous. As we all saw the people out there were in their twenties, thirties at most.

As a woman pushing fifty, she should be able to figure her shit out without abandoning her life. Nothing made me angrier than Luke having to fight for her again. At what point does this man have to stop fighting for her, can the man just have a relationship that doesn’t require a routine crisis every few years? I never imagined I would watch the Gilmore Girls Revival and end up rooting for all of their exes, but by the Spring episode I found myself caring more about them than the main characters. For a show that set up Rory and Lorelai as women who would always be remembered as the one who got away, it was great to see that most of their exes were living successful, stable and happy lives. Trust me, even if you were strongly on Team Dean or Jess, you’ll end the episodes thankful that they both grew up to be responsible adults. Her role in the show walked the line of villain and best friend, which made her character all the more enjoyable. Liza Weil perfectly fell back into her role, and even though her character had grown so much, all the typical Paris trademarks were still inside the now grown up version of the girl we grew to admire. This the women we should all be striving to be like, unapologetic, strong, and hardworking. The girl who will call you out for having an affair with her husband all while telling him he’s not welcomed to sit on her couch. No she’s not without flaws, but she’s damn near perfect. During the seven seasons the show aired I never really cared for Emily’s character, but trust me, she is the only thing that kept me watching through the painful Summer episode. Emily’s journey of learning to live without her husband is something anyone whose ever lost someone they loved can relate to. In the Gilmore Girls Revival she finds her own place in the world, finally tells her DAR friends how fake they all are, and does something we could all probably benefit from, declutters her life. Emily Gilmore is the charm that kept my eyes glued to the screen, and if you read any review of the new episodes, you’ll see this is her best performance yet. Even though episodes from the past got away with less than appropriate jokes, there’s no reason why their revivals have to commit the same mistakes. Something felt…unnecessary about the whole Berta and her whole family moving in situation. As for the fat shaming and millennial jokes, I don’t understand how the writers missed the memo on body positivity and the fact that millennials are basically the only ones with the time to binge watch a series. Even though I was never a big fan of this plot line, it was nice to see that April grew up to be such a successful young woman. Her panic about how to navigate her early twenties was relatable without feeling too forced or belittling those who also feel as if they have no idea what their next step is. Maybe it’s the ten years of wisdom I’ve gained, but current me sees Ms.Kim as less of a controlling mother and more of a woman who just wants to protect her daughter. You know, from things like affairs and unplanned pregnancies. Lane stepping into her mothers shoes while still holding on to her rebellious nature is the best thing the show could have done for her plot line.

So tell me, did you love or hate the new episodes? If you hated it, which part was the most cringeworthy for you? And if you loved it, am I missing something or have I just become far too cynical?