July 2024

Here’s the thing, I’m a very by the book kind of girl. I use crosswalks, read direction manuals and always make sure to follow the guidelines on every assignment. The same applies to my dating history, with me getting to know each guy slowly, not texting him too quickly and generally playing the game we all call dating nowadays.

Then this thing happened at the start of 2016, I was dumped on New Year’s Day. On my way to see Sisters no less! (Great movie by the way.) After having the typical post breakup meltdown for a while I realized all my work in getting to know a guy left me where it always did, heartbroken, crying on the bathroom floor, wondering what I did wrong. And that’s when I realized what exactly I’d been doing wrong, I’d been following this imaginary rule book as if my dating life was a game of Life. Except in this case the mess left afterwards didn’t neatly fit into a box when it’s all over.

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Once I was done mourning the end of my relationship and feeling comfortable on my own, I decided I wasn’t going to waste any time trying to meet someone new. I did something completely new to me, I tried online dating for the first time in my life. After a dozen boring conversations and one good date that went nowhere I was about to call it quits, plus the constant notifications at all hours of the night were not sitting well with me. Then an ordinary boy sent me a message, but unlike all the others our conversation was anything but ordinary. One marathon date followed by a dinner date the next night led me to realize that maybe I have been doing it wrong all along. What if all those rules on how long we should wait to text and how available we should seem were made by people who are just like us? Single, at home, watching Locked Up Abroad with Papa Johns. It was during my Lyft ride home that I decided I was going to say screw it to all the rules that had led me to where I currently was, single after dating a guy who near the end showed no respect towards anyone, including me.

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To quote my HR manager, “I was a modern woman,” and like hell I was going to start dating like one. So I text the boy I had dinner with immediately after it ended, thanking him for making me dinner and spending the evening with me. The next day we spoke about how the ridiculous facial expression I made tasting quinoa for the first time, and the next day we scheduled our third date.

The moment I stopped worrying about whether I would look too eager, too available, too clingy is the moment I was able to step back and just enjoy what was going on around me. I had my third date with a boy in the past 5 days and the more time I spent with him the less I care whether it’s appropriate or not.

So here’s the thing, sure I could have spaced out our dates and looked less available, but for what? So I could sit at home alone wondering if he was doing the same? My match may not be falling in love with me or even interested in seeing me exclusively, but by saying ‘no thank you’ to all the rules that come with dating, I’ve now discovered just how fun it can be to enjoy a date for what it is, a night with a stranger who may or may not lead you to smile as you walk your daily path to the train station. And isn’t that what everyone secretly wants in the end, a reason to smile like an idiot on a Monday morning?

Okay spill, have you tried online dating? How did it work out in your situation?

Blogging is this thing you either get or you don’t, kinda like Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. When someone asks me how long I’ve been sharing my thoughts with strangers on the internet I have to pause and think about it for a moment, which to me signals that I’ve been doing it for much longer than I ever imagined I would.

Recently I’ve been focusing my energy on creating a community around me. You know the saying, “it take a village to raise a child.” Well I’m starting to think it takes a village to survive your twenties. My quest to form my ultimate squad means I spend my weekends with people I don’t know very well and who don’t know much about me, yet. Within just a few hours though they do notice one thing about me, I will go to extreme measure to take the perfect shot. I mean stand on my chair, lay on the ground, stand in traffic just to get the right angle and lighting for Instagram.

I’m not at all ashamed, and I’m also not alone. Instead of sitting at home behind our laptops like no one in the world will ever understand our struggle, can we all take a moment and enjoy the things only fellow bloggers will understand? Not understanding why our photos are always so dark, …or worse, yellow! The irritation that comes with trying to get the perfect flat lay. Spending hours on a post that get’s minimal page views while another blogger writes the same thing and has it go viral. Trying to explain to your friends why they can’t eat their food yet. Having a collection of half used notebooks. And an even bigger collection of post its, notepads and every pen in the Target One Spot section. The worry that comes with your boss finding your blog. The anxiety of the new guy you’re dating finding your blog.

Or worse, your ex reading your blog, post breakup!

Looking at a folder full of drafts but still having nothing to post. Never being fully satisfied with your blog design. Pretending like you totally understand StumbleUpon. Your most ordinary post pulling in all the page views, and you have no clue why! The stress of feeling like you need to post on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and whatever new social media is cool that month. Posting your contact info and waiting for the sponsorship opportunities to start rolling in…*total silence* The embarrassment that comes with using the same stock photo the same week as a blogger you follow. Never knowing what to say in your About Me. Watching a new blogger get really popular and sitting at home wondering why. The whole niche versus no niche argument. Having read dozens of WordPress versus Blogger posts. And being strongly on one side of the debate. Just wanting to find an Instagram aesthetic you can stick to, and enjoy! The feeling of a post you worked really hard on getting genuine comments.

What’s one thing your non-blogger friends just don’t understand??

Raise your hand if your last date night was two people sitting on the couch, one watching TV, and the other scrolling on their phone pretending to be interested about what you’re watching. *Raised hand so high it touches the ceiling.* I wouldn’t label myself an introvert, I prefer the term selectively social. Right around 19 years old I came to the realization I didn’t have to be friends with everyone, and how much easier life was when I gave myself the option to bail out on events with people I’m not that close with. My boyfriend though, he fits the introvert definition perfectly. Just last weekend he proposed we spend our weekend doing less, but together. I wish ya’ll could have heard him say together to me. It’s as if he wanted to put as much emphasis on the word as possible to distract me from the fact he was asking if we could be loaves all weekend. After a few seconds of being mildly irritated, I realized it was just his inner introvert talking, so I came up with these date night ideas for introverted couples. You know, while we were together doing nothing.

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Just because you’re both introverts doesn’t mean you can’t go out and enjoy what your city has to offer. The trick is to choose an activity that doesn’t require a lot of interaction with other people in the area. Below are some dates you can go on that won’t require you to talk to people once you get there.

Can be found in bowling alleys, dive bars and basements of parents you wish you had. You do run the risk of having to ask for help when your ball gets stuck, it always gets stuck! But otherwise it’s a cheap fun activity that will definitely get you two competing. I have a theory no one loves mini golf, we do it for the pleasure of rubbing our win in people’s faces. It’s cheap, requires little interaction with staff, and typically sells cotton candy in the concession stand. Win win! If you wanna have a fun date night for under $10, this is the option for you! Split your coins and spend the night challenging each others high scores. If greasy fries and competition aren’t your thing, museums are a fun and sometimes free way to spend time together. Pick one you’ll both be interested in and spend some time wandering around.

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Who says date night means you have to go out? If you rather stay in, ie wear sweatpants, here are some ways to pass the hours beyond the typical Netflix and stare at our phones together.

I know what you’re thinking, “we always do this, what’s the difference?” To make a night at home with the TV more fun, choose a theme for the movie marathon. You can prep for an upcoming movie by watching all the prequels, or buy snacks/food that correspond with what you’re watching.
Whenever I cook with my boyfriend it’s anything but fun, usually because I’m yelling about him backing up and he’s wondering why we’re missing an ingredient. To avoid all this drama, prep the day before by making sure you have everything and that the space is clean. But before that, hop onto a site like Pinterest and pick a new recipe to try together. If it’s gross, there’s always pizza. You probably can’t hop in your car and take a vacation right now, but you can definitely plan for one. Start talking about Memorial or Labor Day, choose a spot you both want to explore and start from there. By doing this now, come your actual vacation, there will be no arguments about what to do or who forgot to book what. Every guy likes to bake, whether he’s willing to admit it or not. Ask him what his favorite dessert is, then grab all the ingredients and make an activity out of it.

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While these dates may be a little out of the box, sometimes what you need is a date idea that will get you out of your comfort zone to bring back the feeling as if you just started dating.
I know what you’re thinking, “exercise, gross.” Or is that just me? Find something that’s fun to do, whether it’s a rep challenge or a super ridiculous video you’ll just laugh your way through. Whether you’re both super active or full blown couch potatoes, getting up and moving together is a surefire way to have fun doing something out of the ordinary. Tasting tours don’t have to be limited to events you sign up for on Groupon. Pick a category, whether it’s desserts, beer, or coffee, and from there find the best rated places in your city. While it’s better to choose locations that are near one another, you can make a day out of it by driving to different locations. Everyone has goals at the start of the year, whether they share them with you or not. Share one goal you’re still interested in achieving and work together to get one step closer to each of your goals. For example, if your boyfriend wants to be more active and you want to explore more, go on a hike to a scenic area you’ve never visited before. Whether it’s a personal project or something around the home, I’m sure I’m not the only one that leaves things unfinished. Pick a task and vow to get it done that day. Doing it together takes away the feeling that it’s work, while setting an end prize (like takeout) motivates you throughout the way.

Are you introverted? If so, what’s your favorite date night activity??

It’s absolutely crazy to me that I was a freshmen in college six years ago, because honestly, I remember packing up the truck and driving to my university like it was yesterday. If you’re anything like me, you like to know what’s going to happen in any given situation. Meaning you want to know how to deal with balancing your coursework before you’ve even registered, tips for making friends before meeting your dorm roommate, and how to balance all the responsibilities that come with doing well in school and having a social life. Weeks before I left for school I spent hours researching everything I could think of. Due to not being able to find answers to everything I was wondering about, I eventually started writing for various collegiate websites to help anxious and excited incoming freshmen like myself. Whether you’re an incoming freshmen or close to the end of your first year of college, below are the twenty pieces of advice I wish someone had told me during my first year of college.

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1. Don’t bring everything you own with you. It clutters your already small dorm room and doesn’t leave you space for all the free stuff you’ll pick up at events.

2. Room with a complete stranger, for an automatic friend and a chance to save your friendships.

3. Always dorm if you have the option! Yes it will cost you way more money in the end but it’s fun to share the experience with people who are in your same position. 

4. Join a club, any club, but just join one. Eventually you will move out of the dorms and half of those friendships will end naturally. Friends from orgs are easier to connect with.

5. Don’t ever buy a book from the bookstore. Check it out at the library, Amazon, Chegg, Barnes and Noble, or buy an older edition. I saved thousands buy never buying a book new.

6. Sit closer to the front. Pretty sure studies shows sitting close will help you earn a better grade, probably because it’s so hard to get away with being on your phone.

7. Another thing, actually turn of your phone, or at least put it away. I used to hate classes that had a no electronics rule but in the end, I aced those classes easily because I actually listened the whole time!

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8. Go to all the events on campus, no matter how lame you may think they are. You re only a freshmen once and soon your friends will be too busy to go to the on campus concerts. Enjoy it while you can.

9. Don’t be the person that goes home every weekend. Everyone will judge you for it and it will make it that much harder to make friends. Stick it out, if you really need you family, skype them.

10. Dining hall food is awesome because it’s always hot and ready plus you don’t have to do any dishes! But don’t go crazy and start eating ice cream for breakfast, your clothes will thank you.

11. Attend study group invites or review sessions hosted by the professor. If you re gonna be paying for a grade might as well get a good one.

12. Avoid hooking up with someone in your dorm hall. I did, it didn’t work out, and it wasn’t the end of the world or anything. But I could have saved myself the drama had I just not.

13. If you were awarded work study, get a job! Don’t be like me and never get around to it, because getting work study for the next year is hard work!

15. Talk to professors, not about questions or the class, just a normal conversation. If you’re shy try with a TA first. It’s not so hard once you break the horribly cold ice.

16. Get some information on studying abroad. It will make your college experience unlike anyone else’s, it definitely changed my life for the better.

17. Learn to calculate how much you really need to pay for school. The estimated cost of attendance is always ridiculously high. Total up rent, tuition and a few extra hundred for food and books. That’s all you need!

18. Make friend with at least one person in your major department. They will be a lifesaver when you need to borrow a book, missed class or are just confused about graduation requirements.

20. Just have fun. I just graduated this past June and I can honestly still remember shopping for my dorm bedding. It goes by so fast, so enjoy every second of it while you can.

If you’re a college freshmen looking for advice, leave a question in the comments below! Otherwise share a tip you wish you had known your first year of college.

I have less than two weeks before I graduate from college. In my four years at my university I paid a quarterly fee of over 100 dollars for the mandatory gym membership all students are made to pay for.

First of all, rude. How dare they assume I could benefit from a gym membership and then go on to force me to pay for it. And secondly, I can probably count on one hand how many times I visited that damn gym.

My freshmen year I was constantly harassed by a hall mate asking me whether or not I wanted to go work out with her. My answers was always no, not even a maybe,  just a straight out “no thank you.” Yet that didn’t stop her from asking me repeatedly all year long.

For people who aren’t as direct as I am, I’ve come up with some surefire reasons as to why you cant make it to the gym today, tomorrow, or ever. “I just showered this morning, and it’s bad to shampoo your hair everyday.”

source “My workout playlist hasn’t been updated in a while.” source “I didn’t straighten my hair today just to sweat it out at the gym.”

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“I totally would but I haven’t shaved my legs are not to Beyonce standards right now.”

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“I just am soooo busy with homework.”

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“Cant, I already committed to finishing this entire season by tonight.”

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“That sounds fun! Too bad I don’t own any workout gear.”

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“My glasses never stay on while I workout, I’ll text you when my contacts come in the mail!”

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“I already watched a YouTube video on workout routines today. Baby steps right?”

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“Shoot, I cant seem to find where I left my sneakers!”

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“I basically ate all healthy food today. So no reason I should torture myself anymore.”

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“Haven’t even had time to eat today, so I better hold onto the calories I do have.”
**cough cough** “My asthma is acting up again.” “I kinda prefer to work out at home. Alone. Sorry.”
 “Ugh, I’m still sore from the last time!” “It feels like people at the gym judge me, I don’t need that negativity in my life.”

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This past weekend one of my closest friends visited Washington DC for the first time. As a person who actually helped me with the process of applying to intern in DC and after became the friend I called on (literally) during all my tough days in the city, having her visit meant a lot to me. We spent four days exploring all the city has to offer, from monuments I’ve seen a dozen times to restaurants I’ve always walked past but never visited. It was the most fun I’ve had all year, then it ended. My friend had to fly back home and I returned to my life of responsibilities and boring but necessary tasks. Nothing changed from the time she spent at my apartment to the time she entered her car to the airport except for the fact that I was back to having no one in the city that really knew me. This is what adulthood looks like, crazy that we all spent our childhoods wishing we could grow up already. Making friends as an adult is hard. By adult I mean anyone who is not attending college and is over the age of 21. You need at least three to four years to realize which of your high school friends will remain lifelong friends. Once you hit the milestone of living on your own, outside of a campus setting with a full time job taking up all your time, you realize that your social circle feels grows small quickly. Moving to the city was a major accomplishment in my life, with my entire college career leading towards where I am today. With roommates and boyfriend my first year in DC, things were relatively easy. Then my roommates all moved out of state and my boyfriend dumped me, that’s when reality hit me straight in the face.

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Hollywood glamorizes what it’s like to go through our twenties, with best friends sitting directly next to us at the office and nights spent under bright lights and loud music. Real life is a lot more like how I spent my Easter Sunday. In bed, with an extra large pizza, watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion, Part 2. Alone.

I’m not complaining,I had a damn good time hearing Phaedra call out Kandi for being a bad friend, but I’d be lying if I didn’t wish I had a girl fiend to split that pizza with. But you can’t always get what you want, like a chic apartment in the city with a roommate to share all your adventures with. Life isn’t all too bad lately, I’ve quickly jumped out of my January slump and found myself a group of people who don’t make me want to go home before the night has even started. Making friends isn’t as easy as it used to be, but it also isn’t impossible. Coming up on the blog will be a handful of ways to socialize without the awkwardness that comes with meeting new people. Until then, I could always use some advice of how you manage to get through your twenties with a group of friends you wouldn’t mind sharing a pizza and tv marathon with.

What do you struggle with most when it comes to making new friends? Leave me a comment so I know what I should focus on in my upcoming post!

P.S. Are you a twenty something that isn’t sure if you’re living the dream or just surviving it? Click here to learn more on how you can connect with other twenty somethings on Instagram who know the struggle of trying to figure out how to adult while also eating popcorn for dinner one night a week.

Family is not something I place a lot of emphasis on in my life. While I have a mother I’m very close to and a sister who I modeled my personality after, I’ve always been a bit off to the side in regards to my extended family. With too many cousins to remember and the added three thousand mile space between myself and any blood relatives, I’ve learned to be comfortable being on my own. Beginning in college I got used to the idea that holidays could be celebrated with just one or two people, or simply a pet if that’s all you had around. College taught me that it’s the people around you that make the day special, and you don’t need to share ancestors to enjoy their company. Friendships became difficult to hold on to when I moved from California to Washington DC though, because on top of the distance there was a three hour time difference. Suddenly people I saw daily were never around, and daily conversations transitioned into occasional Facebook chats. Distance didn’t damage all my friendships though, in fact, some have become stronger than they were before. With a little extra attention and effort paid, I’ve been able to maintain close ties with those that are willing to continue including me in their life despite the space between us. While it isn’t easy never being able to go to lunch or celebrate their big moments, our mutual commitment to not let our friendship slip beats any Starbucks run we did in the past. Here are the ways in which distance actually helped my friendships grow stronger…

Weeded out people I was never truly close to.

The easiest way to determine who is a close friend and who is someone you became friends with just for the convenience is to move far, far away from them. Good friends will be there to say goodbye your last night in town and continually reach out to you your first few weeks in a new place. Acquaintances stop being acquaintances  the moment you no longer share a zip code. Good friends stick around no matter how far you may go.

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Quality has replaced quantity.

My roommates have always become my best friends, from freshmen year of college to my last semester. Studying at a small campus meant my friends were always around, many living a short walking distance from my apartment. The hardest part of moving far from your friends is not seeing them as often, which is why it’s important to make the most out of the time you do have together. Quality time has replaced the quantity of time I spend with my friends, ranging from a short visit back home to a long phone call on a weekday night. Even though we spend a fraction of the time we used to, the time we share together now is much more important to the both of us.

We have become better communicators.

With many of my friends having a hectic life like me, finding time to catch up between work schedules and graduate classes proves to be a dilemma when you add in the three hour time difference. Because of this hiccup, I’ve found that the way we communicate has changed. With my old college roommate, we do most of our communicating through Instagram and often tag each other in things we know the other would like. With my study abroad friends, phone calls have become one of our rituals when commuting home. Each friendship has changed in it’s own way so that keeping in touch doesn’t become inconvenient for either of us.

We know who to reach out to for emotional support. 

Listen, moving away from everything and everyone you know is hard, which is why you need to find one person you can call during those really tough days. I have about three friends who I can call anytime of the day to brag about an awesome deal I found at Target or cry about how I have no idea how I can make rent this month. With most people fading into the distance when you move far away, it’ll be easier to determine who you can rely on for encouragement when you need it most.

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Mutual effort makes us appreciate the friendship more than ever. 

Anyone who takes the time to talk to you over the phone, like a real phone call, is a true friend and you should send them a postcard or something. The easier thing to do when someone moves away is to only see and talk to them when they’re in town, so if your friends are still including you in group chats and tagging you on hilarious memes on Instagram hold onto them, because the majority of people will move on with their lives. Staying close takes so much more work when you can’t be together, but just like with a romantic relationship, when you finally do get to meetup, it’s the most fun you’ll have all month.

Do any of you have experience moving away from all your friends? How did you cope with the change? What methods did you use to make sure you didn’t lose contact over time?