April 2017

Breakups are terrible, at every age. No one can truly warn you how hard it is to go from loving someone one day to having to imagine life without them the next. Forget having to let go of marriage and babies and all that crap, because if we’re honest, that’s not what makes you curl up on the floor and cry till you cant breathe. It’s the small things. Having to carry your heavy grocery bags on your own again, not having that one person to text when something big or infinitely small happens, or having to constantly pass that one restaurant you both loved. Breakups suck, so fucking much. They make you wanna call out of work and turn us into crazy stalkers. If you have friends you can vent to for weeks, be thankful. For those of us who have to bottle it all up cause rent ain’t free and friends are far away, I feel ya. Here’s the thing though, it fades. The anger subsides and the pain comes and goes, but none of it is permanent. Eventually you stop talking about them, then you only stalk them once in a while, maybe one day you realize you went a whole week without thinking of them, until eventually you feel whole enough again to speak of them without a trace of sadness or bitterness in your mouth. Except even once you’ve healed, the feelings sometimes linger behind. Yes, you can get over a breakup without letting go of your feelings in the process. In my experience that takes a litle bit longer. Maybe secretly we hold on because of a hope that it will all work out, even though it rarely does. Even feelings go away after some time, and that’s when I think you’re truly free to live your life once again without any of the baggage you clung to post breakup.

Related Post: 100 Things to Do Instead of Calling Your Ex-Boyfriend

No more being jealous that you were out while I was at home or that you were having fun doing that one thing you never gave a chance when I recommended it. A moment of looking at your face didn’t send me into a spiral of what went wrong, why I hated you or why I wished you would just go away forever. The first few months were a constant worry of running into you at all, then when I wasnt looking my best. Not I can confidently say I wouldn’t give you a second glance.

4. I stopped thinking about what I would say if you ever walked up to me.

5. I finally admitted to myself that you were more bad than good.

No more making excuses, we ended for a reason, and I’ve finally healed enough to admit them to myself. 

6. I said to myself the one thing I promised to never throw in your face.

Every couple has that one thing that they never mention in a fight, no matter how angry they are. Well listen up ladies, once it’s over, stop holding back the one thing you were always too kind to say out loud. Trust me, it feels so liberating. 

7. I didn’t compare every guy I met to you.

The first date I went on post break up was odd, uncomfortable, and ended very quickly. You’ll have a moment though where you don’t compare every little move.

8. And if I did, you always came in last.

Okay sometimes you do compare little things, but when you do, you’ll find you prefer the new guy’s traits much more. 

9. I wasn’t reminded of you everywhere I went.

No one talks about how freaking annoying it is to walk by the restaurant of your first date, or the spot of the first  place you kissed, day after day. This one takes a while of course, but it’s good to walk down the street and not linger on the old memories. 

10. You no longer dominated my conversations.

The day my friends no longer needed to check in with how I was feeling was the day I knew I was finally moving on. You’re not all we talk about anymore, and when we do, our talks are filled with laughter about how stupid it all was. Not all of it of course, but the end, the end was mighty dumb of me.

Ever since I made the goal of not giving up on my dream, which is to create an online community for twenty somethings, I’ve dedicated a lot of time to trying to figure out my plan of action. As someone who can’t so much as clean her apartment without making a list, I like to have a set of steps to follow, milestones to reach and ways to define what success means to me. Lately I’ve been very overwhelmed by it all, especially with so many bigger and more popular blogs to compare my little space on the internet to. Even though I totally understand that these bloggers have been doing it for longer, have more time, or are at times just more interesting than me, it can be hard to motivate myself to publish something knowing I get a fraction of the page views they do. And for anyone who says that page views aren’t everything, that may be true, but if I didn’t care about how many people read my writing I’d publish it all on a private blog.

So much of my weekends are spent reading everything I can about how to create a successful blog. The most popular topics circling the internet right now is that I need to create a newsletter, offer a product, provide value. This may all be true, and even with my love for lists, it can be tiring to post list after list of how to get a job, get over a guy and decorate your space. Don’t get me wrong, I love my blog and the content on it, but sometimes a girl just wants to spill her guts to strangers on the internet.

Related Post: The Night I Was Emotionally Slutty

After a lot of thinking I figured out what I have that makes me unlike the other millions of blogs out there. Me. My personality, my experiences, my thoughts and opinions are something that no blogger out there has. The advice that I give should be applicable to everyone (or most everyone), but the personality behind it will always be uniquely mine. For someone who preaches about wanting to connect with other twenty something about how hard adulting can be, I don’t often share the awkward moments I experience in my day to day life. My content will stay the same and my purpose is still the same, the only thing that will change are more details of my personal life will be woven into posts, plus some extra posts that are completely dedicated to the twenty something experience. Now that I’ve figured out that my perspective of trying to enjoy life in the city is the value my blog provides, it’s a little easier to not have to worry about what my reader is taking away from reading a post. My writing doesn’t have all the answers because frankly I don’t have all the answers, but I promise to share any I find along the way.

Are you a blogger? If so, how do you deal with blog on blog jealousy, plus, what’s one thing you have to offer that no one else does?

P.S. Are you a twenty something that isn’t sure if you’re living the dream or just surviving it? Click here to learn more on how you can connect with other twenty somethings on Instagram who know the struggle of trying to figure out how to adult while also eating popcorn for dinner one night a week. 7

The past few days have been a whirlwind of crazy, the type that make you stare intently at the sidewalk in the small hope that it won’t get directed at you. Even though I’ve been running all over the city enjoying my favorite holiday weekend, I did pause to reflect on the fact that all of this would be so avoidable had I never taken my love of talking and turned it into a full time hobby/job/whatever you wanna call it.

Here’s the thing, I’ve been writing since early 2012. I saw an ad for writers for a popular collegiate website and figured why the hell not? As someone who has been reading women’s magazines since the age of six, I know a thing or two about what young women like to read. With friends my whole life telling me I should write my stories down, I finally took their advice and applied for the position. That turned into another opportunity, which turned into another, all of which ended with me creating my own space where I could talk about what I wanted, how I wanted.

There was just one problem, no one seemed to be talking about the things I enjoy talking to my friends about. Angry moments on the subway, deciphering out if you’re in a relationship or just hooking up, and figuring out how the hell to write a resume that won’t get tossed in the trash. Basically websites we’re too niched, or simply so big that you lost the relatable factor. So I set out to create exactly what I wanted to see in the world, a place where a basic ass millennial could write about that time an ER doctor said her UTI was caused by too much sex! (This is very much debatable and will definitely one day be written about in depth, because I’m shameless.)

One problem though, not everyone likes when you tell it like it is. Bloggers don’t talk about sex and people don’t like you talking about your experiences with them. And that’s when I realized, there’s so many interesting topics bloggers miss out on just because we see others being successful when writing about the topics we were all taught are marketable, or worse, we’re scared of the backlash! We live in an age where we’re obsessed with the intimate details of celebrity lives, yet I don’t think any of my favorite bloggers have ever referenced anything more personal than their dress size. I know that I’m not going to change the direction of blogging and that my blog is not pulling in millions of readers every month. But there is one thing I do have, other bloggers with similar platforms to mine reading my content. So maybe if we started talking about the things that we all really wanna hear about, blogging will no longer be this place where everything needs to be picture perfect and every critical/hateful comment is discussed in our Facebook groups.

Currently I have my ex-boyfriends current girlfriend completely harassing me in the comment section of one of my latest posts, on top of the string of Facebook messages that I swiftly ignored. And do I give a crap that she thinks I’m pathetic for putting my experiences out there? Hell no! At the end of each day, every time she click my page to comment about how pathetic I am, that’s one more page view that helps me later along the line when choosing how much to charge companies who want to partner with me.

If you’re a blogger who sometimes gets bored of publishing the same type of content, or just a girl who wants to say more in her Instagram captions that how nice the sunset was, do it! Write about the time you cried on public transportation, take that selfie on day one of your period and let your followers know how bad your cramps are, say the things you say to your best friend without the fear of what some judgmental person may have to say back. As for me, I plan to keep writing about the topics I always wished others would talk about when I was younger. Currently I have a post on the first page of Google that every girl sees when searching how to get over a guy. And you know what? That feels awesome! Four years later and that post is still helping young women deal with a breakup that they too weren’t ready for. And until I write another post that goes as viral as that, I’m just gonna keep oversharing on the internet, hoping someone reads it and finds it totally relatable.

So tell me, are you a blogger who keep certain things private, and if so, why? And if you’re just a everyday reader, what’s one thing you wish more men and women would talk about online?

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I never Black Friday shop, partly because up until a few years ago I lacked the money to buy anything, but mostly because my mother was a firm believer in the idea that if you cant afford it, you must not need it all that much. So I don’t really Black Friday shop, unless going the next day to fuss about the mess left behind counts.

This year my sister and I braved the crowds at the only store we knew would be empty, Michaels Arts and Crafts. We needed Christmas lights and figured why the hell not, we’re young but also old ladies at heart, so we chose the most calm store imaginable. While there I realized I didn’t do too well with my yearly resolution, not terrible, but not to my standard either. Knowing exactly why I had failed to meet my goal, I decided to do something about it now. I bought a planner,  one of those fancy ones that come with stickers and pocket folders.

As I flipped through my planner I figured there was a lot more stuff I could do to make 2017 more successful, cause let’s face it, I think everyone gets a pass for 2016. Overall it was kind of a crap year, beginning to end.

If you’re looking to make this new year your best year yet, or get a head start on your New Year’s resolution, take these ten steps to set yourself up for success. You can substitute any step to better tailor it to your goals, or go the extra mile and just add on to what I’ve created. Skip whatever is gonna stress you out or isn’t necessary for you, because this is about starting the year on the path to your best year ever. 

Decluttering my closet was a goal I set for the month of November, and while the task took hours, once I was done I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Minimizing your wardrobe not only leaves you with options that you love, it clears space for new pieces while giving you the opportunity to donate the clothes you no longer want to those in need. 

2. Change something big in your living space

My apartment layout has been the exact same since I first moved in. If you’re not looking to change address but want a change of scenery, take an afternoon and reorganize your living space. Simply shifting your furniture or finally getting around to hanging up your gallery wall can make your home feel like new.

Related Post: 8 Inexpensive Ways to Make Your Apartment Feel Like Home

3. Make one thing easier for yourself in the new year

I’m a firm believer in the idea that small annoyances can add up to a bad day, so when you have the same daily issues you’re setting yourself up for failure. Do something now that will make your days in 2017 easier, such as auto reloading your commuter card, unsubscbing from that newsletter that fills up your inbox or setting up auto pay on a bill your always forgetting to pay. 

4. Choose a resolution/goal before others do

Choosing your new years resolutions, or better yet, goals for the new year ahead of time not only saves you the stress of having to think of one on the spot, but also allows you to prep for whatever you want to accomplish. For example, because one of my goals is to be better organized in the new year, I took the step to buying a planner in December to start practicing getting in the habit of writing things down. 

Related Post: 10 Important Resolutions Every Twenty Something Should Make

If you ask me I think we have a little too much of everything nowadays. Friends we don’t really care for, clothes we never wear and photos on our phone we’ll never post. Remove something from your life you no longer need, whether that be because it takes up space or brings no value to your life. 

6. Complete a challenge

Challenges are a great way to get yourself motivated, as long as you choose one that you can commit to and set a reasonable goal. Some of my favorite challenges are the 40 bags in 40 days challenge, quitting soda or candy for a week, or committing to seeing friends at least once a week. Choose a challenge that aligns with your goal for the new year, and try it out to see what areas you need help with most. 

7. Identify your one regret this year

Stop and think for a second, what do you wish you had accomplished by the end of this year? Can you still reach that goal, and if not, what can you do right now to get one step closer? If the goal is still important to you, add it to your list for the new year, and if not, don’t get discouraged just because not everything went the way you planned. 

8. Find your squad

Friends are the best motivators, and by motivators, I mean they’re pretty great at telling you to get off your butt and get to work. Find someone who will push you no matter how many excuses you list, plus one more with a similar goal as yours. Having a friend with a similar goal gives you an accountability partner, plus someone to bounce off success stories with year round. 

9. Be cheesy

I’m gonna tell you something I’ve never admitted to anyone else, the reason 2012 was my most successful and productive year was because of one big thing, I was cheesy AF. I spent the entire year surrounding myself with quotes I found on Pinterest, reciting my goals in the mirror and constantly encouraging myself to not give up. It was weird at first, but after a few weeks it’s what kept me motivated when progress slowed. Be cheesy, write your dream with lipstick on the bathroom mirror and become your own biggest motivator.

When I wasn’t busy talking to myself in the mirror or pinning quotes on how travel changes your life, I was taking the time to talk to my future self. How exactly? Well I wrote myself a couple letters. It’s easy to give up on a goal when you forget just how important it once was to you, which is why I wrote a letter to myself four, eight and twelve months from New Years Day. Doing so gives you enough time to make progress between each letter, while also reminding yourself why you set this goal in the first place. 

I want to know what your biggest goal is for the upcoming year! On top of that, what’s one thing you can do this week to help make your dream a reality?

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The past few days have been a whirlwind of crazy, the type that make you stare intently at the sidewalk in the small hope that it won’t get directed at you. Even though I’ve been running all over the city enjoying my favorite holiday weekend, I did pause to reflect on the fact that all of this would be so avoidable had I never taken my love of talking and turned it into a full time hobby/job/whatever you wanna call it.

Here’s the thing, I’ve been writing since early 2012. I saw an ad for writers for a popular collegiate website and figured why the hell not? As someone who has been reading women’s magazines since the age of six, I know a thing or two about what young women like to read. With friends my whole life telling me I should write my stories down, I finally took their advice and applied for the position. That turned into another opportunity, which turned into another, all of which ended with me creating my own space where I could talk about what I wanted, how I wanted.

There was just one problem, no one seemed to be talking about the things I enjoy talking to my friends about. Angry moments on the subway, deciphering out if you’re in a relationship or just hooking up, and figuring out how the hell to write a resume that won’t get tossed in the trash. Basically websites we’re too niched, or simply so big that you lost the relatable factor. So I set out to create exactly what I wanted to see in the world, a place where a basic ass millennial could write about that time an ER doctor said her UTI was caused by too much sex! (This is very much debatable and will definitely one day be written about in depth, because I’m shameless.)

One problem though, not everyone likes when you tell it like it is. Bloggers don’t talk about sex and people don’t like you talking about your experiences with them. And that’s when I realized, there’s so many interesting topics bloggers miss out on just because we see others being successful when writing about the topics we were all taught are marketable, or worse, we’re scared of the backlash! We live in an age where we’re obsessed with the intimate details of celebrity lives, yet I don’t think any of my favorite bloggers have ever referenced anything more personal than their dress size. I know that I’m not going to change the direction of blogging and that my blog is not pulling in millions of readers every month. But there is one thing I do have, other bloggers with similar platforms to mine reading my content. So maybe if we started talking about the things that we all really wanna hear about, blogging will no longer be this place where everything needs to be picture perfect and every critical/hateful comment is discussed in our Facebook groups.

Currently I have my ex-boyfriends current girlfriend completely harassing me in the comment section of one of my latest posts, on top of the string of Facebook messages that I swiftly ignored. And do I give a crap that she thinks I’m pathetic for putting my experiences out there? Hell no! At the end of each day, every time she click my page to comment about how pathetic I am, that’s one more page view that helps me later along the line when choosing how much to charge companies who want to partner with me.

If you’re a blogger who sometimes gets bored of publishing the same type of content, or just a girl who wants to say more in her Instagram captions that how nice the sunset was, do it! Write about the time you cried on public transportation, take that selfie on day one of your period and let your followers know how bad your cramps are, say the things you say to your best friend without the fear of what some judgmental person may have to say back. As for me, I plan to keep writing about the topics I always wished others would talk about when I was younger. Currently I have a post on the first page of Google that every girl sees when searching how to get over a guy. And you know what? That feels awesome! Four years later and that post is still helping young women deal with a breakup that they too weren’t ready for. And until I write another post that goes as viral as that, I’m just gonna keep oversharing on the internet, hoping someone reads it and finds it totally relatable.

So tell me, are you a blogger who keep certain things private, and if so, why? And if you’re just a everyday reader, what’s one thing you wish more men and women would talk about online?

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Facebook birthday notifications have to be the second to most annoying thing about the website. First goes to game requests from friends who don’t understand the fact that you do not and will never send them energy in whatever game is trending that month.

Most of the time I give in to the peer pressure (plus I don’t wanna look like a jerk) and just go ahead and wish someone a ‘Happy birthday.’ Long paragraphs with inside jokes and photo collages are reserved only for the closest of friends, everyone else is stuck with a generic variation of “Happy Birthday!”

But what is a girl to do though when Facebook lets you know it’s your ex’s birthday? You know, the one who you didn’t date for that long anyways so there was no point in even deleting him from your friend’s list. Plus, you get a surge of delight knowing all your awesome adventures show up on his news feed. I cant be the only one, right?

What the hell are we to say to the men who dumped us, broke our hearts, never asked us out on that second date or worse, kind of just disappeared without a trace from our lives, but not from social media?

Maybe I’m immature, probably, but I’m not gonna wish a ‘happy birthday’ to a douche. Don’t we all just wish Facebook would get rid of the birthday feature? On top of reminding me all damn day, not I’m expected to send people Starbucks gift cards too?!

So what do the rest of you do when it’s someone’s birthday who you just cant stand? Ignore it? Reply one to that text message Facebook now sends out that automatically posts “Happy Birthday!” on their wall? Or suck it up and think of something heartfelt so on your special day you’re not that loser that only got a happy birthday wish from your weird aunt who comments on your weight every time you visit her?

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Being single on Valentine’s Day is never easy, especially with all of our non-single friends on social media flaunting their relationships in our face. When brainstorming what I wanted to write about during the month of February for Her Campus, I figured why not create something that will distract me and other girls like me from the fact that no one is buying us a box of chocolates this Valentine’s Day.

I combined my need for a distraction with my love for Instagram and created a February Photo-A-Day Challenge, except it’s like no photo challenge you’ve ever done before. I’ve tried others in the past but they always expect me to be a bit too creative, they’re too redundant or after I while I just get bored.

My roommate and I put our brains together to come up with the funniest, one of a kind and never seen before daily challenges that will keep you from quitting before the candy hearts go on clearance. Nothing is ever much fun if you have to do it alone though, so I reached out to some of the bloggers from the Her Campus Blogger Network and a few girls have decided to take part in it as well! (Yay!)

Her Campus UC Riverside’s Page

Along with me, (the mastermind), and Her Campus UC Riverside, the following blogs will be taking part in the photo a day challenge. I definitely recommend you check out their blogs, each have their own personal style and will be writing about the challenge along with HCUCR.
» Areeba from I Have A Messy Bun
» Dylan from Sartorial Spice

Her Campus Montclair will also be partnering up with Her Campus UCR thanks to Dylan who is the Social Media Director for that branch.

Besides this being tons of fun, for every photo you post with the hashtag #HCUCRVDAY, your chances of winning the $20 gift card will increase! Below is the photo with every day’s challenge. Typically with Instagram challenges like this you post this photo on the first day of the month along with that day’s photo. This way your friends and followers know what the heck you are talking about and can participate too! Follow me on Instagram @whenlifegivesyourubi to see what I’m posting!
After showing the challenges to a few people I realized that not all are self explanatory, so here are some explanations for some of the challenges that might not make immediate sense.

» Feb 1: If you had your own television show, what song would play during the opening credits?!

» Feb 7: Cant reach the remote? Snap a photo of it! Photograph the first world problems that you struggle with every day…

» Feb 9: MCM Black History Month Edition is just like every other Man Crush Monday except you must crush on someone who identifies as African American, it is Black History Month ya’ll.

» Feb 10: Google this, trust me you’ll be laughing in seconds!

» Feb 11: Pick an object you wouldn’t mind spending the rest of your life with.

» Feb 18: If I am what I eat, then I’m a dinosaur chicken nugget. Rawr. Photograph the one food you wouldn’t mind being made of.

» Feb 26: Same as February 9th, but this time it’s Woman Crush Wednesday!

Every week Her Campus UCR will be posting a round up of their favorite photo submissions for that week, so the more creative you are the better chance you have of getting a shout out on our page! I too will be posting some of my favorite submissions on this page.

Make sure to tell all your friends about the February Photo-A-Day Challenge, don’t forget to hashtag #HCUCRVDAY with your posts and good luck! I can’t wait to see what you guys come up with!!

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Keeping up with the challenge has been difficult the past ten days, partially because I’ve been so busy getting everything in my new home but mainly because I’ve found it hard to stay positive overall. This move has taken so much out of me physically and mentally, but something as small as this challenge keeps me focused on what’s coming up next. I’m hoping to have a very important job application submitted my tomorrow, but in the meantime these are the things that have been keeping me occupied during the past few days. I honestly almost forgot on day fourteen, so I might have to begin setting a reminder on my phone before the day is over.

To read why I’m taking part in the challenge, you can click here, and also catch up on the first ten days. I’d love for you to follow me on Instagram and comment down below if you’re currently taking part in the challenge or have in the past.

DAY 11: Visiting family one last time before my move and admiring my dad’s new hobby of creating the most adorable terrariums.

DAY 12: Flight number two. Yes I did take my terrarium on board the plane, and yes, I did eventually prick myself.

DAY 13: The first of many East Coast sunrises I captured. DAY 14: I found my high school honor roll buttons while packing plus my first cell phone ever! DAY 15: Cat sitting my favorite kind of cat, black. She kind of had an attitude but I loved her anyways.
DAY 16: God is real y’all. Chicken fries are back!

DAY 17: If over packing was a sport, I’d always be MVP. 

DAY 18: I spent 2-3 hour wandering Target, it’s sort of the place I go for comfort. No matter where you are, Target is always the same. 

DAY 19: My mind has been a mess lately, so I decided to at least not let my nails follow suit. 

DAY 20: You know you’ve been living in California too long when you are legitimately excited that it’s raining. (I lit candles guys. And maybe some incense.)

If you are participating in the 100 Happy Days Challenge I’d love if you comment you’re Instagram account so I can go give you some love, and if you’ve already finished it(or tried to), how was your experience?

You can keep up with my progress here >>

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PS I’m Writing About This is a column that will highlight some of the colorful conversations I have with friends, strangers and inanimate objects in my daily life…

I spend a lot of time at Yogurtland. So much time that I have a rewards card which within two months reached Raspberry Tier. Meaning I eat a lot of frozen yogurt. Because of my rewards card membership and the fact that Yogurtland follows me on both Instagram and Twitter, I thought we had a connection. In the very least I thought I was a preferred customer, the kind that receives coupons for free froyo every once in a while. I was living a lie, because one short week ago my thoughts on my relationship with Yogurtland were forever changed.

Last week I ditched school and everything I had planned for the week to run home and visit my mom. To read more about why I took the impromptu break from school you can click here. Once my mom was out of the hospital and feeling a bit better, we went out to see if we could figure out why my brand new laptop wasn’t turning on. After receiving the bad news from Geek Squad we decided to stop for lunch.

With my mom not allowed to eat much of anything, we decided on Subway since it’s one of the few places that serves relatively “healthy” food. While my mom told the sandwich artist her complicated order, I made my way to the register and let the cashier know it would be a dine in order. My mom quickly snapped at me to say it was “to go,” which annoyed me because 1) I wanted to eat it there and 2) what was she talking about, we both knew we were going to eat in the patio area. I repeated my request to dine in and again my mom corrected me by saying it was for carry out. Too frustrated to deal with this back and forth I asked why she was being so weird, and that’s when she told me the horrible news.

Companies like Subway and Yogurtland charge you more if you choose the dine in option. BOOM.

Me not believing a word my mom was saying immediately started interrogating the high school aged boy behind the register, demanding to know if he was going to charge me more to eat there. He admitted yes and had no real answer as to why, not finding my joke about whether they were charging me to sit in their overly air conditioned restaurant funny. I finally stopped attacking the cashier because I knew it wasn’t his fault, took my overpriced sandwich and said to my mom, “I am blogging about this, TONIGHT!”

Once I got home my rage had subsided and I decided to do some research on my cellphone. Remember how I had to leave my laptop with Geek Squad? Turns out she was right! I don’t know where my mom managed to find this information but she wasn’t lying, restaurants like Yogurtland , Subway and basically all fast food chains are charging us an “eat in tax.”

Days later I still don’t get it. It’s not like I make a mess, I’m not too loud, and I do my best to not use too many napkins. I thought I was a preferred customer?! Maybe I’m overreacting, or maybe I just don’t appreciate being lied to. While I obviously refuse to stop eating frozen yogurt and an occasional burger, I do refuse to pay some ridiculous tax that no one’s ever even mentioned to me. Why wasn’t this law written in my history books?! From now on let’s make our orders to go, then sit down and enjoy our meals in their too-air-conditioned-restaurants anyways!

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