Here’s the thing, I’m a very by the book kind of girl. I use crosswalks, read direction manuals and always make sure to follow the guidelines on every assignment. The same applies to my dating history, with me getting to know each guy slowly, not texting him too quickly and generally playing the game we all call dating nowadays.

Then this thing happened at the start of 2016, I was dumped on New Year’s Day. On my way to see Sisters no less! (Great movie by the way.) After having the typical post breakup meltdown for a while I realized all my work in getting to know a guy left me where it always did, heartbroken, crying on the bathroom floor, wondering what I did wrong. And that’s when I realized what exactly I’d been doing wrong, I’d been following this imaginary rule book as if my dating life was a game of Life. Except in this case the mess left afterwards didn’t neatly fit into a box when it’s all over.

You might also like: My Secret Weapon to Finding Love Online

Once I was done mourning the end of my relationship and feeling comfortable on my own, I decided I wasn’t going to waste any time trying to meet someone new. I did something completely new to me, I tried online dating for the first time in my life. After a dozen boring conversations and one good date that went nowhere I was about to call it quits, plus the constant notifications at all hours of the night were not sitting well with me. Then an ordinary boy sent me a message, but unlike all the others our conversation was anything but ordinary. One marathon date followed by a dinner date the next night led me to realize that maybe I have been doing it wrong all along. What if all those rules on how long we should wait to text and how available we should seem were made by people who are just like us? Single, at home, watching Locked Up Abroad with Papa Johns. It was during my Lyft ride home that I decided I was going to say screw it to all the rules that had led me to where I currently was, single after dating a guy who near the end showed no respect towards anyone, including me.

You might also like: How to Move on From a Relationship Without Closure

To quote my HR manager, “I was a modern woman,” and like hell I was going to start dating like one. So I text the boy I had dinner with immediately after it ended, thanking him for making me dinner and spending the evening with me. The next day we spoke about how the ridiculous facial expression I made tasting quinoa for the first time, and the next day we scheduled our third date.

The moment I stopped worrying about whether I would look too eager, too available, too clingy is the moment I was able to step back and just enjoy what was going on around me. I had my third date with a boy in the past 5 days and the more time I spent with him the less I care whether it’s appropriate or not.

So here’s the thing, sure I could have spaced out our dates and looked less available, but for what? So I could sit at home alone wondering if he was doing the same? My match may not be falling in love with me or even interested in seeing me exclusively, but by saying ‘no thank you’ to all the rules that come with dating, I’ve now discovered just how fun it can be to enjoy a date for what it is, a night with a stranger who may or may not lead you to smile as you walk your daily path to the train station. And isn’t that what everyone secretly wants in the end, a reason to smile like an idiot on a Monday morning?

Okay spill, have you tried online dating? How did it work out in your situation?